How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Kiuske
by SoldierG65434-2
Summary: Sui-Feng and Yoruichi discover a few of Urahara's leftover inventions and put them to good use. -ON INDEFINITE HOLD-
1. The Spiritron Particle Accelerator

**DISCLAIMER:** The rights to all copyrighted material mention henceforth in this document are owned by their respective owners.

The full title of this fic "Dr. Urahara or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Kiuske" is an obvious allusion to "Dr. Strangelove or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb."

This fic spawned from an offhand remark the siyentista made on the YoruSo FC at BleachAsylum, I guess I guess you could say it was her request.

This isn't going to be a multi-chapter fic, per-se. It's more like a series of connected one-shots.

* * *

There were times when Sui-Feng hated her job.

Sure, there were benefits for being the second most powerful person in the Seireitei, and it was nice that nobody interfered with her business for fear of the repercussions.

But there was a definite downside to her position. Sui-Feng was in charge of making sure that all the preparations for the so called "Winter War" were progression smoothly, even though the conflict was over a year away.

Sui-Feng's oversight of the war effort meant that there were times, such as now, when it would be necessary for her to travel to the World of the Living and obtain a status report from the one man she hated the most; Kiuske Urahara.

Scowling, Sui-Feng walked up the path to the front entrance to Urahara Shoten and entered the dilapidated cottage.

"Sui-Feng-taicho?" The muscular Tessai said with surprise as Sui-Feng entered the shop portion of the Shoten. Tessai was currently sweeping and in his surprise, swept some dirt onto Sui-Feng's shoes. "What can I do for you?"

"I am here to check up on Urahara's progress in creating the replica of Karakura." Sui-Feng said flatly as she kicked the dirt off of her shoes.

"The Boss is in his workshop in the basement." Tessai pointed over his shoulder. "I'll go get him."

"That won't be necessary." Sui-Feng held up a hand to stop him. Sui-Feng stepped over the pile of dirt and dust Tessai had swept up and headed for the door that he had pointed to. She was curious as to see what the so-called "Genius" considered a workshop.

Cautiously, Sui-Feng opened the door and peered beyond. The door opened to a poorly lit staircase that descended into what appeared to be a black abyss. Hesitantly, Sui-Feng descended the staircase, making sure to place each foot slowly.

When she finally reached the bottom of the surprisingly long stairs, she saw about what she had expected. Urahara's workshop was merely a series of tables cluttered with strange looking parts and contraptions. Most of the light in the room came from the computer screens that were littered around the edge and a few dim light bulbs that hung from the ceiling.

There seemed to be a few complete devices strewn about the room, but most of the inventions seemed to be in a state of half-completion or disrepair. There were several doors on the edge of the room that were all closed, hiding their contents from Sui-Feng curious eyes.

Sui-Feng's head was drawn to the sound of tapping from one of the far corners of the room. Urahara sat behind a computer, typing away at the keyboard, still wearing his hat even though he was inside. Sui-Feng approached the man, but bumped her foot on something in the dark. Urahara turned his head in surprise.

"Sui-Feng?" Urahara asked as he squinted, his eyes burning form staring that the computer screen in the dark. He jumped up once confirmed who he was seeing. "Sui-Feng! How are you?" Sui-Feng scowled at how familiarly he was addressing her. "I didn't ever expect to see you again, since you stole Yoruichi away from me." He ended with good humor. Sui-Feng couldn't help but smirk at that last remark. Yoruichi was currently living with Sui-Feng, when she wasn't at the Shihoin estate, at least.

"I'm here at Yamamoto-sotaicho and Kurotsuchi-tachoi's request. They are both interested in knowing how you are progressing." Sui-Feng replied very businesslike.

"Mayuri was always so impatient." Urahara sighed. "Give me a minute. I'll print some stuff out for you to take to him." Urahara turned back to his computer and resumed typing. While she waited, Sui-Feng walked around the workshop very carefully.

Off in one of the corners, Sui-Feng spotted a large contraption that stood about twice her height. At the top of the long, thin pole was a large conductor that looked very similar to the lasers super villains used in the cartoons that she had seen while she stayed with Yoruichi at the Shoten.

She continued to look at the invention curiously. There were numerous wires running gin and out of it, but they gave no hint of it purpose. Finally, curiosity got the better of her.

"What is this?" Sui-Feng asked, partially concerned that it may have a similar purpose to the lasers it reminded her of.

"That," Urahara said as he pushed the "print" button, "Is the Spiritron Particle Accelerator." The workshop was filled with the whirring of the printer.

"The what?" Sui-Feng asked incredulously.

"I invented it as a way to artificially increase someone reiatsu." Urahara continued as he walked up next to Sui-Feng. "What it does is it takes the spiritrons in the air and channels them into the desired target. More spiritrons equals higher reiatsu."

"Did it work?" Sui-Feng asked.

"Yes and no." Urahara answered. "You can't get something for nothing. Spiritrons take up physical space. They're the building block of all matter, so they have to. They're also very similar to stem cells. A spiritron is a blank slate. If you introduce to a preexisting entity, they become like the other cells surrounding it."

"Don't patronize me." Sui-Feng bit back venomously.

"Sorry, I don't know what you know and don't know." Urahara held up his hands defensively.

"Did it work?" Sui-Feng asked again, this time irritable.

"The rat I tested it on literally exploded." Urahara concluded. "I shot it full of spiritrons and they became fat and muscles tissue, swelling up the mouse until it exploded." Urahara shuddered as the image of the exploding rat played over in his mind again. "But, I guess the experiment was a success. The reiatsu sensor that was measuring the rat before it popped like a water balloon said that it had a sizable jump in reaitsu."

"You never bothered to figure out how to fix that problem?" Sui-Feng asked, a little bewildered. This seemed like an incredibly useful invention, unlike most of what he created.

"Never really saw the point. Most people are happy with the reaitsu they have. And even if they aren't, most people aren't willing to horrible disfigure themselves for something a little training can accomplish." Urahara heard the printer stop and walked over to it and removed the large stack of papers from the tray.

"Here, that ought to satisfy Mayuri's curiosity." Urahara said as he handed the over one-hundred papers to Sui-Feng.

Cradling the papers gently, as not to crease them, Sui-Feng left Urahara's workshop with a ludicrous idea forming in her head.

* * *

Sui-Feng sat in the back most corner of the Shinigami Women's association, tapping her finger on the table irritable.

Rangiku and Isane were sitting a few feet away from her, and she couldn't help but ease drop on their conversation.

"I don't like bras." Rangiku said to an obviously uncomfortable Isane, her sizable bosom nearly spilling out of her hakama, as always. "I like having the girls loose. Besides, when you're as big as me, finding bras that fit right is more trouble than it's worth. But you know all about that, don't you?" Rangiku nudged Isane.

"Boobies is here!" Yachiru squealed excitedly as Yoruichi entered the room. Even though she wasn't part of the Gotie 13, she spent enough time around the Women's Association to make her a de facto member. "Now Flat-Chest won't be so grumpy!" Sui-Feng frowned at her nickname, crossing her arms over her chest self-consciously.

"Aww, did Flat-Chest miss me?" Yoruichi smiled at Sui-Feng as she sat down next to her. Sui-Feng only grumbled in response, crossing her arms even tighter.

"Don't be like that." Yoruichi pouted. "It's very fitting nickname. Just like Boobies is very fitting for me." Yoruichi leaned in close to Sui-Feng's ear. "Though Booty would have worked just as well." Yoruichi whispered huskily, referencing Sui-Feng's posterior, which she called any variation of "magnificent" on a daily basis. As if it made up for her lack of breasts.

"Yeah, but it's more fitting for me." Rangiku interrupted.

"I don't know," Yoruichi thought for a moment. "I think Yachiru was going with quality over quantity."

"Hey!' Rangiku whined hurtfully, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't get me wrong, you definitely have the biggest boobs in the room, but mine have that perfect balance between girth and pert." Yoruichi stood up bounced on her heels a few times to demonstrate her perkiness.

"I can be just as perky as you can." Rangiku said defiantly. "Here watch." Rangiku bounced on her own heals and her breast sloshed around in her top.

"No, sorry." Yoruichi shook her head. "But when you have boobs that big, gravity is no longer your friend."

"We need someone to judge who has better boobs." Rangiku concluded.

"Hey Soi!" Yoruichi turned to Sui-Feng, who still had her arms crossed over her chest angrily. "Tell us which one of us has better boobs."

"That's not fair!" Rangiku stomped her foot. "You're her girlfriend, of course she going to pick you!"

"Fine, then you pick." Yoruichi conceded.

"Nemu's basically a robot, she should be impartial." Rangiku though aloud. "Plus, she knows a thing or two about nice boobs herself. Hey Nemu! Come over here for a second!" Rangiku waved Nemu over, who had been talking to Unohana.

_Breast, boobs, titties, fun bags, sweater puppies, melons, jugs, hooters, tatas_, Sui-Feng though angrily as Nemu judged both Rangiku and Yoruichi's busts. _Is that all these women care about? _

"Ha! I told you!" Yoruichi cheered triumphantly after Nemu declared her the winner. "Behold the greatest boobs in all the land!"Yoruichi declared and proceeded to do a victory dance.

That was the last straw for Sui-Feng. Slamming her fists on the table, she stood up and stormed out of the room, willing heading towards the one place she never thought she would ever want to go.

* * *

Quietly, Sui-Feng entered Urahara Shoten. There didn't seem to be anybody around. Concentrating, she searched for the reaitsu of the inhabitants. Tessai, Ururu, and Jinta were in the back yard, and Urahara was right where she wanted him.

With the utmost care as to not make any noise, Sui-Feng opened up the door to the workshop and descended the stairs.

Sui-Feng found Urahara standing in a corner of his workshop, struggling with something in his hands.

"Damn you hot pocket!" Urahara shouted dramatically. "Get out of your package so I can eat you!" Urahara finally managed to open the plastic wrap and extracted the instant meal. Recklessly, he took a large bit out of it. The cheese and pepperoni filling was still boiling hot. Urahara opened his mouth to let out a scream and his eyes widened. In his surprise, he finally noticed the he was no longer alone.

"Sui-Feng?" Urahara asked to the darkness. Sui-Feng finally stepped into what little light there was. "Look, you can tell Yamamoto that checking up on me every three days isn't going to make things go any faster."

"I'm not here about that." Sui-Feng replied.

"Then why are you here?" Urahara asked curiously. "Unless…my charms finally got the better of you! Oh, I always knew we could be best friend if you just gave me a chance!" Urahara leapt to hug Sui-Feng, but she stopped him with a swift jab to the chest.

"I'm not here for camaraderie either." Sui-Feng said bluntly.

"Well then I'm officially confused." Urahara said after he caught his breath.

"The Spiritron Particle Accelerator," Sui-Feng nodded in its direction. "Does it still work?"

"Y..yes." Urahara answered cautiously.

"How long would it take you to recalibrate it so that it would not be dangerous to use?" Sui-Feng asked.

"Look, Sui-Feng, I don't know what you're planning, but it's not worth it for a little extra reiatsu. At your level, the increase would be neglig…" Urahara was cut off by.

"I don't want you to use it to increase my reiatsu," If the lighting had been better, Urahara would have been able to see that Sui-Feng was blushing. "I want you to use it to make my breast larger!" She blurted out.

"What?" Urahara laughed.

"Stop laughing!" Sui-Feng commanded.

"I'm sorry, but that's the appropriate response when someone says something funny." Urahara continued to laugh.

"I'm serious!" Sui-Feng tried to glare threateningly.

"So you really want me to give you a spiritron boob job?" Urahara asked, still sniggering.

"Yes, though you put it rather crudely." Sui-Feng crossed her arms. "So, can you do it?" Urahara was silent for a moment.

"Yeah, I could do it." Urahara's eyes gleamed, the cogs and gears of his mind already whirling. "But the real question is; why should I?" Sui-Feng scowled. She had hoped he wouldn't go this route.

"I know that you have been bribing several of my men to smuggle goods to your shops, in spite of my best efforts to stop you." Sui-Feng met Urahara's eyes.

"Yes, you have made the smuggling game rather difficult for me." Urahara commented.

"If you do this for me," Sui-Feng took a deep breath. "I'll turn a blind eye occasionally."

"Hmmm," Urahara thought for a moment. "How often is occasionally?"

"Let's just say that as long as you don't press your luck, I'll pretend not to notice." Sui-Feng replied. Urahara stood in thoughtful silence.

"Come back in a week." Urahara rubbed his stubble contemplatively. "I should have things ready by then."

* * *

Urahara scribbled some more equations down onto the paper in front of him. He knew that Sui-Feng should be arriving at any moment, and he needed to triple check him math, lest he turn her into a red splatter.

Just as he expected, Urahara heard the door to the workshop open and footsteps. Sui-Feng reached the bottom of the stares to find that the workshop had been rearranged. All the tables had been pushed to the side and in the center of the room stood the Spiritron Particle Accelerator.

"I'm here, just like you asked." Sui-Feng announced her presence. "Is everything ready?"

"Almost…" Urahara mumbled as he punched some numbers onto a calculator. "And…done. Everything seems to be in order." Urahara stood up and walked over to the control panel of the Spiritron Particle Accelerator and began to type on its keyboard.

"Now I have to ask," Urahara turned to Sui-Feng after he finished calibrating the machine. "What does Yoruichi think about all this? I don't want her bashing my skull in because she has a mosquito bite fet..ish!" Urahara squealed as Sui-Feng grabbed one of his fingers and bent in backwards. "Actually, now that I think about it, it's more like a bee sting feti..ow!" Sui-Feng bent another finger back. Urahara shook his hand out to assuage the pain.

"For you information, Yoruichi doesn't know about any of this." Sui-Feng replied. "She'll be at the Shihoin estate for the next three days."

"And you couldn't wait to talk things out with her?" Urahara asked.

"She probably would have just told that I'm fine the way I am and that I don't need to do this." Sui-Feng shrugged. "But, to be frank, I don't care. I'm sick of being mistaken for a man by the new recruits in the other Divisions. I'm sick and tired of Yachiru calling me Flat-Chest!"

"Fine, fine." Urahara conceded. "But you have to vouch for me if she gets mad about this." Urahara pointed to the masking tape "X" on the ground. "Stand here and take off your top." Sui-Feng moved to the spot and removed her haori, but hesitated in untying the knot that held her top up.

"Come on, this was your idea." Urahara chastised. Frowning, and with a furious blush, Sui-Feng untied the knot and exposed herself.

"Wow, Yoruichi wasn't kidding." Urahara whistled. Urahara was always thought that Yoruichi had been exaggerating Sui-Feng's lack of a bust. He always thought that cut of her uniform just downplayed her chest. But now, staring at her bare chest, Urahara realized that Yoruichi hadn't been joking in the slightest. Urahara might as well have been staring at the chest of a slender boy.

"Let's just get this over with." Sui-Feng fidgeted. It was cold in the workshop.

"Now, now." Urahara chided. "Let's not be hasty. " He turned to a nearby table. "How are you about needles?"

"What is that?" Sui-Feng asked as she looked at the syringe in Urahara's hand. It was filled with a green liquid that was glowing faintly.

"Do you know how humans use radioactive isotopes in medicine?" Urahara asked. Sui-Feng shook her head. "Well, if you did, then you would know that this stuff works similarly. This," he tapped the syringe lightly," draws the spiritrons to where it's injected and makes sure that just you breasts will inflate like balloons and not the rest of you."

With a steady hand, Urahara injected half of the contents of the syringe into each of Sui-Feng's breast, just under the nipple. Once that was done, he returned to his spot behind the control panel and donned a pair of think rubber gloves, a lead apron, and dark protective goggles.

"Should I be wearing goggles?" Sui-Feng asked as Urahara reached for the lever that would start the machine.

"Probably." Urahara shrugged and threw the switch.

* * *

Yoruichi strolled through the barracks of the Second Division, her feet automatically taking her on the well know path to her destination. After passing the quarters of the enlisted men, and then the officers, Yoruichi finally arrived to Sui-Feng quarters.

"Hey Soi! Yoruichi called out as she entered. "I heard that you called in sick today and decided to come home early to baby you."

"I appreciate the thought," Sui-Feng replied, slouched over her desk filling out papers. "But that won't be necessary." Sui-Feng reclined back in her chair and Yoruichi's jaw nearly hit the floor.

"Soi! Your boobs!" Yoruichi breathed, pointing in disbelief. Sui-Feng's uniform was straining to contain her new bust. "How? I don't understand!"

"Yesterday, I had Urahara use one of his inventions to increase my breast size." Sui-Feng explained.

"You let Urahara do this?" Yoruichi asked, completely stunned.

"Unohana doesn't do this type of surgery and there is no way that I would let Mayuri get anywhere near me with a scalpel." Sui-Feng replied. "Besides, this was non-invasive. All he did was pump my chest full of spiritrons."

"Can I see them?" Yoruichi asked, her eyes glued to Sui-Feng's chest.

"Of course." Sui-Feng smiled, loving the way Yoruichi was staring at her. Confidently, Sui-Feng stood up and walked over to Yoruichi. Without the faintest hint of hesitation, Sui-Feng undid the knot of her top and revealed herself to Yoruichi.

Yoruichi was struck breathless by the sight before her. Sui-Feng's breasts were nothing short of perfect. Though they were probably only in the B-cup range, they appeared larger on Sui-Feng's petite frame. Carefully, Yoruichi cupped each breast. They felt completely natural, as if they had been that way the whole time and they were perfectly formed.

Suddenly, Yoruichi was struck with an irresistible urge. Leaning down, Yoruichi buried her face between Sui-Feng's breasts and shook it back and forth, blowing air through her pursed lips as she did so.

"Gentle!" Sui-Feng giggled. "There still tender." The presence of extra spiritrons meant that her breasts were more sensitive than normal. "So, what do you think?"

"There perfect, Soi." Yoruichi answered, still cupping them. "But you were fine before. You didn't have to do this."

"Yes is did." Sui-Feng replied as she extracted her breasts from Yoruichi's hands and covered herself. "When I was a teenager and all the girls around me started hitting puberty, I started to get self conscious. First, I thought I was just a late bloomer and that I would develop with time. But I never did. All my life, I've been so self conscious about my flat chest. I can't tell you how happy I was when I woke up this morning and looked din the mirror. I looked like a woman, not a prepubescent girl! I feel so confident now."

"Well, anything that helps you self-esteem is A-OK with me." Yoruichi pulled Sui-Feng closer to her, their breasts mashing together. Sui-Feng loved the feeling. She no longer felt inadequate next to Yoruichi. "Now what do you say we go test theses new puppies out?"


	2. Dynamic Reiatsu Sensing Fabric

**DISCLAIMER:** The rights to all copyrighted material mention henceforth in this document are owned by their respective owners.

This fic is more or less a creative steam-valve. I write for it when I just want to have fun and not explore the deeper alcoves of the relationship of Yoruichi and Soifon. Because of that, the quality isn't going to be as consistent as in my other fics.

* * *

When most people envision a scientist, they imagine someone in a white lab coat working with bubbling chemicals and arcing electricity.

But the reality wasn't nearly that interesting.

Kiuske Urahara liked to consider a scientist of the highest caliber, yet the majority of the time he spent in his various labs was pent behind a computer, making calculations and running simulations. Since the advent of computers, the days of scientists conducting random experiments just to find out what would happen had disappeared.

It made life for Urahara infinitely easier for Urahara, but also far duller. On one hand, It would was highly impractical to create the pillars that would support the replica of Karakura and then test how well they handled various stresses, but it would be far more interesting than looking at spreadsheets for hours on ends.

Urahara leaned back in his chair and stretched his stiff muscles. He hated working with a deadline. It took all the fun out of science.

"Hey Kiuske!" Urahara literally leapt out of his chair with a girlish scream as someone shouted into his ear and shook his chair.

"Holy hell," Urahara breathed, clutching his chest.

"I've still got it." Yoruichi laughed at her friend's response to her unorthodox greeting.

"If "it" is the ability to shave a decade of my life, then yes, you've still got it." Urahara's lips slowly curled into a smile. "But at least it means you haven't forgotten about me!" He hugged Yoruichi tightly. "I was afraid I would never see you again, what with you and Sui-Feng living all cozy together."

"Well, Sui-Feng is half the reason I'm here." Yoruichi broke the slightly-too-tight hug.

"Oh really? Are you looking for a breast enhancement too?" Urahara asked, crossing his fingers.

"No," Yoruichi shook her head. "I like what nature gave me." She cupped her chest affectionately. "Actually, I'm curious to find out what else your hiding down here."

"Well, feel free to poke around." Urahara sat back down behind his computer. "Well, don't actually poke. God only knows what will happen if you just started poking things."

Yoruichi turned form Urahara and started to wander the lab. She had been down here a few times before, but she had never really taken the time to investigate just what, exactly, Urahara had down here.

Out of pure curiosity, Yoruichi grabbed the first thing she saw. It was a ball about the size of a grapefruit with several tubes sticking out of it. Yoruichi turned the object over in her hands. It was heavy and there was a sloshing sound coming from within it.

Suddenly, without warning, a think green liquid sprayed out from one of the tubes, coating Yoruichi's shocked face.

"Eeeewww!" Yoruichi dropped the strange device on to the table with a thud.

"What happened!" Urahara turned around. "Yeah, you should probably get that stuff off of you face real quick." Urahara sprung up and searched for a rag.

Blindly, Yoruichi fumbled around the lab for something to wipe her face with. Eventually, her fingers found a soft cloth.

"No! Don't use that!" Urahara rushed over to the stumbling Yoruichi and snatched the cloth in her hand away and replaced it with an old, coarse rag. Yoruichi snatched the rag away and wiped the strange fluid off of her face.

"Uck!" Yoruichi spat some out of her mouth. "What the hell was that stuff?"

"I'm not sure." Urahara shrugged. "But I did warn you…"

"And why couldn't I use that," Yoruichi interrupted, Pointing to the cloth in Urahara's hand, "To get that stuff off of me if it was so dangerous?"

"Because this isn't just ordinary fabric." Urahara said proudly.

"Of course it's not." Yoruichi rolled her eyes.

"I remembered a while back how some members of the fourth were complaining about all the tailoring they had to do." Urahara walked over to the large pile of similar looking fabric and place the sheet in his hand on top. "So I decided that I would try to help them out. I created a fabric that senses a person's at-rest reiatsu and conforms to it. Kind of like a one-size fits all."

"Really?" Yoruichi asked in disbelief. "This stuff will fit anybody?"

"Yep." Urahara nodded. "You make the garment big and it'll just shrink to the perfect size once the person puts it on."

"This is perfect!" Yoruichi grabbed an armful of the fabric. "Ever since Sui's boob job…"

"You're welcome," Urahara cut in.

"…Sui's been complaining about how none of her uniforms fit right anymore." Yoruichi smiled wide. "With this stuff, I can make her something that fits perfectly without have to do all that measuring nonsense!" Yoruichi started for the stars, but stopped. "You don't mind, do you?"

"No, I don't mind, but you should…" Urahara stared.

"Thanks!" Yoruichi left Urahara in his lab, contemplating whether it would be wise to chase after the Goddess of Flash. He decided it wouldn't be.

* * *

Sui-Feng sat behind her desk, fidgeting in her chair, trying to find the most comfortable position.

Ever since her enhancement, none of Sui-Feng's old uniforms fit correctly. She put in an order with her new measurements, but they still haven't come in yet.

Sui-Feng dropped her pen and tugged at the fabric confining her. Half of the time she was holding in her breath because her new bust pulled at the rest of her uniform, making it dig into sensitive areas.

"Hey Sui, how ya' doin'?" Yoruichi smiled as she entered Sui-Feng's quarters unannounced. Normally, Sui-Feng would have been furious at the unannounced intrusion, but Yoruichi was the only person with the gal to enter Sui-Feng's personal quarters without at least knocking.

"Same as yesterday." Sui-Feng answered, still struggling to find a comfortable way to sit. "I wish the Fourth would hurry up with my new uniforms."

"Well, while you're waiting, I though you could try on this!" Yoruichi produced an oversized black uniform from behind her back."

"What's that?" Sui-Feng asked, pointing in disbelief.

"It's a uniform I made for you." Yoruichi replied proudly.

"You made this?" Sui-Feng asked. It looked like it was made for Omeada, not her.

"Yeah, why don't you try it on?" Yoruichi offered the uniform over to Sui-Feng. Hesitantly, Sui-Feng took it. Not wanting to offend the brown skinned lady, Sui-Feng stood up and took off her uniform.

It was truly astounding to Yoruichi the change in personality that had occurred in Sui-Feng since her last visit with Urahara. Before, Sui-Feng was almost painfully shy about her body. Getting her into bed was like pulling teeth. Yoruichi had just assumed that she was just someone who was not that into sex. That was until her breast enhancement. Since, their sex life has taken off like a rocket. Yoruichi had no idea that she had been that insecure about her body.

Even the sight before her would never have happened before. This was the first time she had ever seen Sui-Feng change before. She had always snuck off somewhere private before.

"Uhhhh, it's a little big." Sui-Feng commented. The uniform hung off her like an oversized robe. Without warning, the fabric started to constrict. "What's going on?" Sui-Feng asked in a slightly panicked manner. In less than twenty seconds, the fabric shank to the perfect size.

"Do you like?" Yoruichi asked as she admired her handiwork.

The uniform looked like a hybrid between Yoruichi and Sui-Feng's usual attire. It clung to Sui-Feng's body tightly, like Yoruichi's, but it also had the slits on the outside of the thighs, like Sui-Feng's.

"It fits…" Sui-Feng moved around a bit. "Perfectly. What's it made out of?"

"I found this fabric in Urahara's lab." Yoruichi explained. Normally, the word "Urahara" would have elicited a venomous frown for Sui-Feng, but not anymore. "It senses your reiatsu or something like that, and shrinks to fit perfectly."

"That's pretty impressive." Sui-Feng put on her haori. "And just in time. I'm supposed to demonstrate some of the finer points of shunpo to the newer recruits today. I don't think I could have in my old uniform."

"Shunpo?" Yoruichi perked up. "Can I help?"

"I don't see any reason why not." Sui-Feng shrugged.

* * *

"Evasion is the single most important skill a member of the Onmitsukido can master." Sui-Feng said authoritatively to the assembled men before her. They were currently in a small clearing outside the walls of the Seireitei. The surrounding area was all forest. "If you are discovered while on a mission, you must be able to seem to disappear to your pursuers."

The men, for that was all that were assembled, were all doing their best to keep their eyes locked forward, but a few of them were finding the temptation of sneaking a look at their Captain impossible. It amused Sui-Feng greatly.

"Unfortunately, your skills in shunpo are all woefully inadequate." Sui-Feng continued. "Which is why we have decided to demonstrate proper shunpo technique." Sui-Feng removed her haori and hung it on a nearby tree branch. Yoruichi did the same with her jacket.

"Try to keep up." Sui-Feng smirked before she disappeared. Yoruichi quickly followed.

"Try to keep up?" Yoruichi thought as she ran next to Sui-Feng. "Serious? Did you just seriously say that?"

"It seemed appropriate." Sui-Feng shrugged.

"That may have been the most hilariously corny thing I have ever heard." Yoruichi was still laughing.

"So, what do you want to do?" Sui-Feng asked. They were going at a painfully slow pace so that the recruits could at least seem them off in the distance.

"The usual?" Yoruichi suggested. The "usual" meant tag. "For topsies." Yoruichi said as she reached out and lightly tapped Sui-Feng. "You're it." Shaking her head with a wry smile, Sui-Feng took after Yoruichi.

The two women made sure to keep their pursuits comparatively slow, but whenever they go in close, their movements became an unintelligible flurry.

"You know," Sui-Feng said after the last bout. "I'm finding it more difficult to move slow than fast. My legs want to speed up, but I have to hold them back."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Yoruichi was also having a difficult time holding back.

"I may even break a sweat." Sui-Feng smirked before she swooped in and tagged Yoruichi.

"No fair!" Yoruichi pouted. "I was distracted!" Yoruichi took off after the Chinese woman.

Yoruichi leapt off a tree branch and appeared next to Sui-Feng. She could see the sweat gleaming on her skin, gleaming in the sun. Between that and the new uniform, Yoruichi really didn't care who won the game anymore, because in the end, they would both be winners.

Suddenly, Sui-Feng faltered.

"You okay?" Yoruichi asked with concern.

"Y…yeah." Sui-Feng blushed slightly. "It's the uniform. I think it changed size some." Sui-Feng slowed to a stop."

"Maybe it's the reiatsu." Yoruichi suggested. The rest of the recruits were in a circle around them, having finally caught up.

"Maybe if I just take a break for a mo…MENT!" Sui-Feng squirmed in place as the uniform unexpectedly shrunk dramatically, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination.

The sound of almost a hundred simultaneous nose-bleeds is a difficult one to translate into words, but it will be forever be etched into Sui-Feng memories.

"You are all dismissed!" Sui-Feng cried out shrilly. "Yoruichi!" She turned to the other woman for help.

"I don't know what's going on either!" Yoruichi replied in a panic, wiping the blood from her nose.

* * *

Normally, Urahara would have been surprised at the sound of the door to his lab being angrily thrown open. That is, if he hadn't been expecting the intrusion.

"That the hell is wrong with this stuff, Kiuske?" Yoruichi demanded as she slammed a rumpled garment onto the floor.

"What?" Urahara swiveled in his chair. "Grabbing random things from a mad scientist lab didn't work out for you?" Urahara stood up and grabbed the wrinkled uniform. "Didn't you think that it was weird something so useful wasn't in use."

"I just figured it was too expensive." Yoruichi shrugged.

"Nope, that has nothing to do with it." Urahara threw the uniform on to the pile of fabric. "The reiatsu sensing worked perfectly, but something unexpected occurred; the fabric shrinks a lot when sweat in introduced."

"Why?" Yoruichi cocked an eyebrow.

"I dunno," Urahara mumbled. "Something to do with osmosis. I never bothered to figure it out."

"Why not? This stuff seems incredibly useful." Yoruichi lamented.

"Cost prohibitive." Urahara smirked. "This stuff is expensive to make."


	3. Pheromone Enhanced Atomized Fragrance

**DISCLAIMER:** The rights to all copyrighted material mention henceforth in this document are owned by their respective owners.

This invention was the idea of LizzayBT.

* * *

Ever since the advent of computer technology in scientific research, Urahara found that he excelled in one of the most unlikely of pastimes; the simplistic game of minesweeper.

The game was deceptively complex. The playing area consisted of a grid of grey blocks, the number of which varied with the difficulty level. Underneath each of these blocks rested a number or a mine. If a number appeared upon clicking the desired block, the amount indicated how many mines were resided in the eight surrounding squares. From there, it is the player's job to deduce the locations of the mines and place a flag on them. If all the mines are correctly flagged, then the player is victorious. If at any point the player clicks on a mine, then they lose immediately and must start over.

Bleary eyed, Urahara scanned over the grey blocks that were currently displayed on his computer screen. There were four hundred and eighty little grey squares before him. Ninety-nine of those squares hid deadly mines.

The first choice was always the most stressful. The game could end now with nothing more than a stroke of bad luck. Urahara's win-to-lose ration depended on his ability to blindly choose, at random, a square that did not conceal a mine. Lucky for him, the square he chose, which was in the top left corner, where he always started, hit the number four.

Behind Urahara's treacherous journey though a digital minefield, the latest data from the last bout of testing for the replica of Karakura was compiling onto a flash drive for Mayuri Kurostuchi to over view. Sui-Feng should be stopping by any minute to pick it up.

Removing his eyes from his game, Urahara checked the digital clock at the bottom of his computer. It was ten-to-one and the compiling was only seventy-five percent complete. He told Sui-Feng to be here at one, so she would be, but the compiling wouldn't be done by then.

Urahara's computer made no sound that indicated the passage of time, but the sound of the door to his lab opening was enough to tell him what hour it was.

"Urahara," Sui-Feng nodded to the hated man as she exited the stairwell.

"Hello there, Sui-Feng!" Urahara greeted the Captain of the Second Division with somewhat fake joviality. It wasn't that he wasn't happy to see her, it was just that he was very tired. "I know how prompt and punctual you like to be, but I'm afraid my computer is running a little slow today and the data is ready yet." Urahara lied. His computer was running fine, he had just forgotten to start the compiling on time.

"Who much longer?" Sui-Feng replied with a hint of annoyance. Though her relationship with Kiuske Urahara had warmed drastically since her encounter with his Spiritron Particle Accelerator, she hated it when people were behind schedule, no matter what the reason.

"Uhhh…" Urahara squinted at his computer screen. "How's ten minutes suit you?"

"I suppose I can wait that long." Sui-Feng frowned. Urahara swiveled in his chair and returned his attention the computer monitor. Time always seemed to move faster when one was occupied, so Sui-Feng decided to browse Urahara's inventions again. With any luck, she may stumble upon something useful again.

"You know the rule," Urahara spoke out one he noticed Sui-Feng had begun to move about. "Ask before you touch." Sui-Feng grunted in acknowledgement.

Sui-Feng slowly walked in between the work benches and tables that occupied the floor space of Urahara's basement lab, keeping close attention to the locations of her limbs.

Sui-Feng rounded a corner of a table when the shift in the low light made something glint. Altering her trajectory, Sui-Feng made her way to the conspicuously shiny object.

It was a stout crystal vial filled with a light blue liquid and capped with an atomizer similar to those on a perfume bottle.

"What is this?" Sui-Feng asked curiously as she pointed to the intriguing device.

"What's what?" Urahara craned is neck to see what had caught Sui-Feng's attention. The computer mad a soft chime and Urahara removed the flash drive and walked over to Sui-Feng. "Oh that?" Urahara clarified as he handed to potable hard drive to the Chinese woman. "That's just some perfume I whipped up a while back."

"Perfume?" Sui-Feng asked incredulously.

"Yeah," Urahara nodded. "Some women like to smell nice, but don't want to deal with unwanted male attention that the fragrance attracts. So, I crafted a perfume that effectively repels men."

Silently, Sui-Feng picked up the fragrance and squeezed the rubber air sac, releasing a small puff of the liquid within.

"It…smells good." Sui-Feng stammered, blushing faintly. It smelled better than good, it smelled great.

"To you, maybe." Urahara waved the fumes away from his nose. It didn't smell bad in a tangible sense, but there was something about the fragrance that was repulsive to his Y chromosome on a chemical level.

"Do you mind if I have this?" Sui-Feng asked. "Yoruichi is constantly being hit on by nearly every man that she encounters."

"Ah! Trying to keep her all to yourself?" Urahara laughed. "Actually, I don't mind. I just feel like I should warn…"

"Thank you." Sui-Feng nodded politely and left.

"Why do I even bother with those two?" Urahara shook his head.

* * *

Yoruichi drizzled the chocolate syrup over the large bowl of ice cream. She really didn't understand how Sui-Feng couldn't like something like an ice crème sundae.

Placing the ice crème carton back into the freezer, Yoruichi removed the whipped cream form the top shelf of the refrigerator and covered the ice cream in it.

Disappointed in Sui-Feng's lack of cherries, Yoruichi settled with what was in her bowl and sat down behind Sui-Feng's dining table. Gleefully, she dug into her indulgence.

In about as much time as the thought of having an ice cream sundae occurred to Yoruichi, the sundae itself was gone, another victim of the woman's seemingly bottomless stomach.

And almost as quickly as the sundae disappeared, the brain freeze set in. Clenching her teeth in pain, Yoruichi slumped over onto the table and let out a long grunt of pain. It was around this time that Sui-Feng returned from her trip to Urahara Shoten.

"What's wrong, Yoruichi!" Sui-Feng panicked and ran over to the groaning woman.

"Brrrrnnnfrrrzzzz!" Yoruichi agonized through gritted teeth.

"Oh," Sui-Feng breathed in relief. "Serves you right. How many times have I told you to slow down when you eat?"

"Yeah, yeah." Yoruichi breathed heavily, catching her breath now that the pain subsided. "Did you have fun on your little trip?" She asked, sitting back up.

"So much fun that I brought you back a souvenir." Sui-Feng smiled as she removed the perfume from a pocket in her haori.

"Perfume?" Yoruichi asked quizzically as she took the bottle from Sui-Feng. "But I don't wear perfume."

"I know, but I just want you to try it." Sui-Feng motioned for her to spray some on her.

"Okay, if you insist." Yoruichi shrugged and sprayed some of the perfume onto her. "Wow, this stuff smells great!" Yoruichi sniffed the air around her eagerly. Sui-Feng closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

"Yes," Sui-Feng replied somewhat dreamily. "Yes it does." Sui-Feng paused for a moment and let the scent hang in her nostrils. "Come on," Sui-Feng motioned for Yoruichi to follow her. "The Women's Association meeting will be starting soon. We don't want to be late."

The two women exited Sui-Feng's quarters and started to make their way towards the conference room where the Shingami Women's Association held their monthly meetings.

"A little close, aren't you?" Yoruichi asked playfully. Sui-Feng usually maintained a friendly distance when they were out in public, but today, she was nearly on top of her.

"You can blame the perfume." Sui-Feng said as she snuck a quick sniff from under Yoruichi's jaw, planting a quick kiss as she did so.

"Oh! Feisty today, aren't we?" Yoruichi laughed.

"Just wait until the meeting over." Sui-Feng replied in an uncharacteristically lustful tone that made Yoruichi's blood boil.

As they made tier way towards the conference hall, Yoruichi and Sui-Feng passed several male members of various divisions. Not one of them tried to engage Yoruichi. In fact, they seemed to be trying to keep their distance, as if Yoruichi was enclosed in an invisible bubble that only Sui-Feng was allowed into.

Sui-Feng was very much enjoying the bubble until someone else entered it. It was a woman from the Seventh Division.

"S…Shihoin-dono." The woman stammered as she bowed, hiding her reddening face. Yoruichi returned the greeting and continued on her way. Scowling, Sui-Feng shrugged of the incident and wrote if off as a random occurrence. Until it happened again, only this time with a girl from the Third.

Eventually, it came to the point that they could not pass a female without a stammering and blushing greeting. Quickening her pace, Sui-Feng nearly dragged Yoruichi the rest of the way to the conference hall.

By the time they arrived, nearly everyone was already there. Flustered, Sui-Feng took her seat at the end of the table, and Yoruichi took her's, which was in between Sui-Feng and Rangiku Motsumoto.

The meeting began and normal and Sui-Feng began to forget about the disturbing number of women that were suddenly approaching Yoruichi. That was until she heard the distinct sound of sniffing.

"Oh my goodness!" Rangiku fanned herself with her hand. "What are you wearing?"

"Umm…" Yoruichi faltered uncharacteristically. "It's just something Sui-Feng got for me."

"It smells soooooo goooood!" Rangiku almost moaned.

"T…thanks" Yoruichi replied, a bit unnerved.

"I don't know what it is," Rangiku continued after another deep breath. "But there's just something about you today that's just…mmmmmhhhnnn!"

"Are you feeling alright?" Yoruichi asked as Sui-Feng watched the whole scene with the vein in her fore head steadily throbbing and her fists clenched tightly.

"I'm feeling great," Rangiku replied. "Though I'm sure you could make me feel…better." She leaned in closer to Yoruichi.

"I…thought you said you weren't into girls?" Yoruichi fumbled, confused by Rangiku's sudden interest in her.

"Today, I'll play for any team you want me too." Rangiku punctuated her sentence be burying her nose in Yoruichi's neck in much the same way Sui-Feng did earlier.

It didn't remain there for long though. It happened so fast that all the rest of the occupants of the room heard was a loud thump. The hadn't see Sui-Feng slam Rangiku's offending nose, along with the rest of her face, onto the wooden table, safely away from Yoruichi's neck. All that anyone else saw was Rangiku's nose suddenly bent at an unnatural angle and Sui-Feng storming out of the conference room, dragging a confused Yoruichi behind her.

"Damn that Urahara!" Sui-Feng fumed as she dragged a befuddled Yoruichi towards the Senkaimon. "I should have known he was hiding something."

* * *

"I really should install some better lighting down here." Urahara rubbed his strained eyes tiredly. "I should probably also get some sleep too." He mused as he settled into his computer chair.

"URAHARA!" Sui-Feng screamed down into the basement.

"That's what they call me." Urahara replied lightly as a visibly furious Sui-Feng entered into the light, still dragging a confused Yoruichi by the arm.

"What else in that perfume that you gave me?" Sui-Feng hissed.

"Fist off, you took it." Urahara corrected. "And second, I tried to warn you about it, but you just left. But to answerer your question; while I did discover the man repellent, I also discovered the chick magnet."

"Chick magnet?" Yoruichi asked.

"Yes, it seems the same thing that repulses men whips women into a frenzy." Urahara continued. "I tested this stuff out by putting fifty mice on a cage; twenty five male and twenty five female. I sprayed one of the female mice with the perfume."

"And what happened?" Sui-Feng asked impatiently.

"That mouse was crushed to death under a writhing pile of the other female mice." Urahara shock his head sadly.

'Why didn't you mention any of this before?" Sui-Feng asked irritably?

"I already told you, you left before I got the chance!" Urahara defended. "Besides, and this goes for both of you, don't you both think there's a reason all this stuff is still down here?"

"I suppose," Sui-Feng grumbled.

"I guess that makes sense." Yoruichi shrugged.

"I don't mind that you both seem so eager to test out my inventions, just get the full story first." Urahara chided. "Now if you excuse me, I was in the middle of a game of minesweeper before I was so rudely interrupted."


End file.
